A lot of my fear around beginning something has to do with what people (strangers and close friends, too) will say. If I am really scared, I will hear an imaginary conversation in my head that sounds like heckling during a comedy show. Many times, this imaginary conversation becomes a real one, and I freeze, like a deer in headlights.
I just had a conversation like that a couple days ago. I mentioned that I have been wanting to coach, had my first call, and it was amazing. Normally, I would be looking for some sort of high-five or “right on!” but instead, I got, “I don’t mean to be rude, but what makes you qualified to coach?”
Freeze. Heart begins to race as I try to think of a way to convince this person that I am qualified. I start entertaining a battle between what I know to be true (I am qualified, I have non-paid experience, I have survived and thrived, etc.) and what someone else doesn’t know to be true and in most instances, I lose the debate.
But it’s not a debate, really. I forget that. When someone starts out, it’s always a wait and see moment, not a here’s the proof moment. We think that upon first glance, we can tell something about the proposed success and that’s just not true. When someone declares they want to complete a major in architecture, we don’t ask them if they are qualified. They aren’t yet. They haven’t even begun. After a completed degree (or an admitted failure in completion), THEN we can talk about qualifications. But if it’s always about ‘do you have experience’ (which I do, so I still qualify, but that’s besides the point) right off the bat, then you’ll never get anywhere, because when you are starting out, you don’t!
I rely on the risk-taking ability of others (and they rely on mine) to BECOME qualified. So far, that’s been the only real life conversation I’ve had that felt challenging around being a coach. When first starting out, we are going to be having those conversations. The key is to know they are coming (they might be parents, spouses, friends, strangers, or your own imagination) and to listen to the part of you that has encouraged you to start.
Something inside of you has made the case that whatever you are embarking on, is a good idea. You may feel drawn to do this work or you may be curious, but to let a few questions derail you is to second-guess that spark in you that knows something else to be true.
Write down those questions/remarks from others and then answer them. Listen to that spark inside of you that encouraged you to pursue the new, risky endeavor. That spark sees something that may not be obvious to everyone.